Navigating the Delta: How Disconnection Signals Your Call to Authenticity

We’ve worked hard — in our lives and careers — to do the right thing, meet expectations, and project confidence, even when deep inside we feel something entirely different. So often we are told that leadership requires certainty and clear direction. Much of adulting tells us the same. So over time, we’ve taken on to meet the moment. Simultaneously, the gap between who we present to the world and who we truly are widens, and internal tension builds. It may start with a subtle unease but can grow into burnout, isolation, or a loss of purpose.

This tension is a signal, a call to step into a new passage of leadership and life — an invitation to realign with your authentic self. In this article, we’ll explore the signs that your Adaptive Self may no longer be serving you and how you can begin moving toward a more aligned, purposeful way of living and leading.

Introduction: Navigating the Passages of Life and Leadership

James Hollis, a prominent Jungian psychoanalyst, describes life’s key turning points as “passages” — moments when we’re invited to confront the unconscious forces shaping our behaviors. These passages aren’t just reactions to external events; they’re inner calls to recognize that the roles we’ve been playing no longer fit who we truly are.

Hollis views these passages as invitations for deep personal growth. They challenge us to release the Adaptive Self — the version of ourselves shaped by external expectations — and step into a more authentic existence. While this transition can bring discomfort or feel like a crisis, it’s also an opportunity for clarity and fulfillment. Hollis suggests that true transformation begins when we stop asking, “What does the world expect of me?” and start asking, “What does my inner self long to express?”

Navigating these passages allows us to reclaim authorship of our lives, freeing us from societal roles that no longer serve us. This alignment with our core values allows us to step into authentic leadership, grounded in purpose and integrity.

Signs That Your Adaptive Self Is No Longer Serving You

The Adaptive Self helps us navigate careers and personal lives by meeting external expectations and projecting confidence. However, there comes a time when this strategy no longer serves us.

Here are some signs that it may be time to move toward greater alignment:

1. Burnout and Exhaustion - Constantly projecting a version of yourself that meets external demands can lead to both emotional and physical burnout. Feeling drained despite outward success may be a sign that your Adaptive Self is wearing thin, and that it’s time to reconnect with your deeper needs.

2. A Growing Disconnection - That quiet discomfort you feel — the sense of being out of step with your life or work — can deepen into a more profound disconnection. This feeling often indicates that you’ve drifted away from your true self and are longing for realignment with your authentic values.

3. Loneliness in Success - Even when you achieve external success, there can be a profound loneliness if your Authentic Self isn’t being expressed. You might feel emotionally distant, not just from others but from your own inner truth, as the version of yourself you’ve been showing the world no longer resonates.

4. Loss of Creativity and Joy - When the roles you play don’t align with who you truly are, creativity and joy can fade. If life feels uninspired or monotonous, it may be a signal that your Adaptive Self is stifling your authentic expression, making it harder to tap into the energy and creativity you once had.

5. Living on Autopilot - The longer the Adaptive Self is in control, the easier it becomes to fall into routine, doing what’s expected without reflecting on whether it aligns with your deeper values. If you feel like you’re simply going through the motions, it may be time to pause, reflect, and reconnect with what truly matters to you.

The Emotional Cost of Disconnection

The more we lean on the Adaptive Self, the more we distance ourselves from our true nature. This disconnection doesn’t just lead to burnout — it erodes our creativity and undermines our leadership. Over time, it creates a deep sense of loneliness — not just from others, but from the parts of ourselves we’ve silenced to conform.

The longer we maintain a version of ourselves that no longer fits, the more we drift from the purpose, joy, and fulfillment that come from living authentically. Staying stuck in the Adaptive Self sends a subconscious message to our true self: You’re not enough. This quiet rejection deepens emotional isolation and weakens our ability to lead with conviction, creativity, and purpose.

Yet all of this discomfort is an invitation. It is beckoning us to explore that within us that is yearning for realignment. It’s a call to step out of the roles we’ve been playing and into a more authentic, aligned way of living and leading.

Reflection Prompt:What parts of yourself have you hidden to meet others’ expectations? How has that created a sense of disconnection or loneliness? What might happen if you allowed those parts of yourself to be fully expressed?

The Reward of Realignment: Reclaiming Joy, Purpose, and Creativity

When we make the shift from living in the Adaptive Self to leading from the Authentic Self, we don’t just let go of old identities — we move through a passage that brings us closer to purpose, flow, and joy. This realignment allows us to reconnect with parts of ourselves we’ve set aside and lead from a place of integrity and alignment with our core values.

As we move through this passage, we rediscover creativity, joy, and flow. No longer spending energy on maintaining a facade, we’re free to live and lead in a way that feels more natural and sustainable. Purpose becomes clearer when our actions reflect our core values, and the joy that comes from living authentically allows us to lead with greater conviction and clarity.

Journaling Prompt:Think of a time when you felt disconnected from yourself. How did this affect your creativity or sense of purpose? What is one small step you could take today to realign with your true self?

How to Begin Moving Toward Realignment

Once you recognize the signs that your Adaptive Self is no longer serving you, here’s how to start the process of realignment:

• Acknowledge the Tension

  Allow yourself to sit with the discomfort — it’s a valuable signal that change is needed.

  
  

• Reflect on Core Values

  Reconnect with what truly matters to you. Ask yourself: “What does my inner self long to express?” or “What am I passionate about that I’ve set aside?”

  
  

• Start Small

  Begin by making small adjustments in how you show up — whether it’s allowing yourself to be more vulnerable or bringing creativity into your day in small ways.

  
  

• Embrace Self-Compassion

  Remember, your Adaptive Self was built for a reason. Treat yourself with kindness as you begin to let go of the parts that no longer serve you.

  
  

Journaling Prompt:Reflect on the signs of misalignment in your own life. Have you noticed burnout, disconnection, or loss of creativity? How might acknowledging these signs help you begin to realign with your true self?

Navigating the Process with Self-Compassion

Realignment requires self-compassion. The Adaptive Self isn’t something to discard with frustration — it served a purpose in helping you navigate challenges. As you move through this passage, you are invited to gently release the parts of your persona that no longer serve you and create space for your true self to emerge.

The more kindness you bring to the process, the easier it becomes to gradually close the gap between who you’ve projected and who you truly are. There is no need to lament the time you have spent in adaption. That time brought you the wisdom you have today.

Reflection Prompt:Where in your life can you show more compassion to yourself as you move through this passage? What aspects of your Adaptive Self have served you well, and what might you be ready to gently release?

Conclusion: Finding Joy and Freedom in the Passages of Leadership

Moving through these passages in leadership and life is not easy, but it’s one of the most important things you can do for your personal growth and fulfillment. Each passage asks you to shed roles that no longer serve you, making space for your Authentic Self to emerge.

As you realign with your true self, you’ll unlock deeper purpose, creativity, and flow. Leading from a place of truth allows for deeper connection — with yourself and others. This process isn’t about rushing through discomfort; it’s about embracing each small, compassionate adjustment as you step into the leader and person you are truly meant to be.

Journaling Prompt:Reflect on your journey so far. What have you learned about yourself during times of realignment? What new opportunities for creativity, joy, or purpose have arisen as you’ve embraced these passages?